Okok I know that I haven't been blogging in a zillion years. Or almost 3 months to be exact.

Well at least now you know that I'm still alive.

Or you rather me be dead??!

Oh my heart's crushed.

haha I've not been blogging for a simple reason. Blogger has been going bonkers on me a few months back. Everything lagged seriously and sometimes my computer would just shut down itself automatically in the middle of a blog entry. That was definitely enough to drive me utterly nuts ok?! Imagine typing a long and carefully-thought-through entry halfway, and then *zaaappp* the bloody computer just shut down. Without saving the entry. Almost enough to make me take a hammer and han-dum the bloody machine ok.

So I just stopped blogging altogether. LOL.

And another reason is of course because I haven't been too well recently. Not sick as in physically. Physically I'm fine. Even the doc said so today. =) Hell, I even gained like 2 kilograms over the last 4 months after my commencement! You've seen sick people gain weight before?! But mentally, spiritually, yes, I have been a bit tired, a bit lost, a bit of everything negative. I guess graduation from school (for the rest of my life) and entering a totally different phase of my life has that kinda powerful effect on me. And I don't like to blog about negative things all the time. Is that some kinda illness actually? Because I think sometimes I tend to bottle up all the negative stuff. But I also feel that negative stuff and feelings are a bit like all the haze that we've these days, though today it's much better - you might feel better if you release it but it can make other people around you sick and uncomfortable. That's why I don't talk sometimes, I think.

I think it's more or less over now. It had been so bad that I had actually wanted to turn to religion. No offense but you know that it's bad for me when I even thought of something like that. But of course, I didn't. Because if there's something that's similar to a virtue in me, it's probably my determination. Or you can call it stubbornness too. Even in my worse times, I still think that I can do it eventually and if other people can do it, I can do. So stubborn that I can't stand myself sometimes too.

But the gloom's more or less going away now, and I'm glad. I should be happy, so I can't understand when I'm not. However, there's still this empty space, this little bit more, that I need to either fill up soon (but how? I've no idea haha cos sometimes it's not like one hand can clap) or just forget about it like how I've done so all this while. It won't completely cure the problem because one day will come when I remember it again. But that's better than having in gnaw at me all the time.

I need something interesting/exciting to happen to me soon, or else my own life is going to bore me to death. Reminds me of that commercial. I think it was the Navy. Something like "How would it be if your life was to be made into a movie". I can picture all the movie-goers slipping off into Dreamland or cursing the movie, my movie, for wasting their precious money and time.

Will my new job be the one solution? I hope so.