When I was young (cue: still in primary school), time had passed so slowly for me, especially during the June and Dec school holidays. I think that I didn't really fancy holidays in the past cause I'd liked to go to school where I could play with all my friends and learn new things. I liked going to school early before the flag-raising ceremony so that I could play hop-scotch or chasing
with my friends. I liked PE lessons when I could play ball games (I think I didn't really enjoying running). I liked Art & Craft lessons when I could draw and paint. I liked Music lessons when we could play the recorders, or sometimes the triangles. I liked my ECA hours (nowadays, hell, no kid will understand what ECA is. It's all CCAs now. bah.). I loved the excursions, the Science experiments at the labs.

And when it was the holidays, there was none of this and I thought time passed too slowly. The holidays seemed to last forever. I was always like, hell, let time pass faster and let me grow up faster so that I could do more things than I was allowed now.

And then the devil must have heard me cause time never slows down since then. Don't you think that time seems to pass faster as we grow older? Scientifically, of course it never does. Time is still the same, 60 seconds per minute, 60 minutes per hour, 24 hours per day, 365 days per year (only for normal case anyway). But I think when we get older, there's more and more
things that we need to do and want to do. It ends up that time never seems enough for some of us these days.

Time is fortunately still enough for me because I think it's always a matter of choice and I like to have time for myself and my family. But time is passing too quickly. 11 years ago, I just passed my PSLE exams with flying colors. 7 years ago, I just finished "O" levels. 5 years ago I just proudly graduated from NJC. 4 months ago I just ended my schooling life. Suddenly I'm 23 and bloody hell, next year is the bloody Year of Pig again. Bloody hell. And I'm going to be bloody 24. And then I now look at my life and wonder what I've done with it.

Or what I've not done. Seems to be a lot worse when I look at it this way. Suddenly 23 years have passed with a blink of the eye and I seem to be still at the exact spot where I've started out 23 years ago. Square One? Damn depressing cause if there's one thing that man can never change, there will be the hand of Time - like some bloody spoilt clockwork that no one can never
push back once it started moving its ass. Bloody Time.

And as much as I would like to deny, I still look back to some events in my life, some friends that I used to have, and ask myself if I've done the right thing, would things turn out differently if I've done it this way instead of that. As if it is seriously of any use because regretting is one useless piece of shit. Even if I was given a second chance, I might still have done things the same way. I would have liked to be the kinda person when asked if he or she has done anything that he or she has regretted, to be able to say proudly in that person'a face N-O, NO!

But then I grow up to realise that I'm just as vulnerable as anyone out there, as fallible and as insignificant. Not sure if this is a good thing afterall because I thought man grows up to be wiser. Am I any not wiser? Or am I wiser because there's this quote from Gandhi that goes like : "It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." So I guess it's perfectly normal to self-doubt and no, I'm not going to suffer from depression. Because depressed people don't gain weight.